~*A Tragic Childhood*~

Part One: Pity

"Mom, how come Daddy's so mean?" I asked all of sudden, she turned to me looking a bit depress. Daddy wasn't here at the moment. I was only 10 at this time.

"Well, dear, Daddy and I are going to divorce soon." my Mom told me silently.

"Oh, why?" I asked, curiously. She didn't look at me then. Her eyes were fixed on the door knob of the front door. I knew any seconds now, Daddy would come through that door.

The front door creaked, a tall slender figure came in, it was my Dad. "Quit staring at me like that, Staria!" he snapped. I turned to my Mom who was by my side. He was holding a folded piece of paper. "Come here." he dictated.

I obeyed, my Mom was still looking at him. No, wait, it was the folded paper she was staring at. I looked back at her again. I went over to my Dad who was at least 5'9. "Yes, Daddy?" I asked politely.

"Come, I'll fix you lunch." He said with a grin. There was something about that grin that I didn't like, I've seen it before and I didn't like it then, and I won't start liking it. He walked over to the counter and unfold the piece of paper and pour the contents into my bowl of rice.

Mom stood up immediately and empty the bowl into the trash can. "What do you think you're doing? She's our daughter!" she shouted. I didn't understand what was going on, all I knew was that I didn't like this scene. I didn't know what was that then, but I knew now that it was poison.

"You know she's an accident!" he shout back. I had a feeling of horror in my stomach. Why did he have to say that, and in front of my face? I ran into my room, not wanting to hear another word. But he shouted at me, "Staria, stop right there!" I paused, wishing I could go. "It's time you learn the truth." was all he said next.

This felt like a nightmare, Mom kept trying to keep me from hearing a horror tale, but I listened in on every little details, it was terrible! Dad, he had took pity on me, that's why he's still here. My whole life was an accident! I was an accident! I was never meant to be born on this planet. Tears start streaming down from my eyes as he go on.

"No, please, stop." my Mom cried, I could feel her tears dripping on my head, she was afraid I would know this. She was covering my ears but I could still hear him.

"No, she must know." he insisted. "I pitied you Staria, if it wasn't you, my own daughter, I would have left your mother a long time ago. But I pitied you, later in the years, you've become a pain, you are trash to me, Staria. I should never have pity on you. You are as worthless and stupid as your mother!" he went on.

I didn't know what to do, he was telling me the story of my childhood. All my life, I had thought he loved me, but he didn't. All I had was pity!

"Your mother had tried to choke you to death when I denied that you were my child, but I stopped her because I pitied you Staria!" he went on blahhing about how he saved my life at birth.

"No! That's not true!" I cried, from that moment, I knew I hated him, he shouldn't be telling me this at this age. I wasn't ready. I knew I wasn't. I could remember all this like it was yesterday. Up 'til now, I still can not forgive him for that matter.

"I regreted everything since your birth. Your mother, how old is she now? She's about 40 years of age!" he said, but I knew she was only 34, he was exaggerating, I figured. "And she still doesn't know how to work at my place!" he owned a company, Mom accompany him everyday, but it wasn't her fault that she didn't do well, she had other things to do too.

"And you," he points at me with his index finger, "you are taking most of her time away from work! Do you know that I work my butt off for you everyday?" he asked, I nodded, tears still running down from my soar eyes, I was starting to have a headache, but he kept at his story.

"Now, you know that you are nothing to me. I hope you'll understand to not take my time away from work again!" he shouted when he's finished. He took my Mom's hand and dragged her out of the door and slammed it, leaving me to suffer my loss.

I stood there, lonely and sadden. Is that all true? Am I really trash? My mind was wandering off that I didn't notice that they left. I didn't hear anything now, but my own cries and pain. My heart was breaking, I didn't know how much longer I could bear this pain. I had nothing, nothing left, all I have and had was pity, pity from everyone in the world. All I know now was hatre, misery, and loniness. I stood there crying until my headache got worst and total blackness came over me.

Part 2: Separation

I slowly opened my eyes, my vision blurred, then it all came clear to me, I was in my room on my bed. I must had pass out or something. I knew it was not a nightmare, for I could feel my eyes sore, sore from all the crying, my head was also spinning. I sat straight up in my bed, just to adjust the right position to where I am starring at. But my vision is not good at all, my eyes are small and sore from the heavy crying.

I could feel my aqua hair brushing against my face, it was wet. My hair is wet. I slowly pulled myself together and walked out of my room.

There was total silent. I heard nothing, I quickly went downstairs, my Mom was sitting at the kitchen table staring into space. But my hateful Dad, where was he? I couldn't spot him anywhere.

"Staria, come." I heard my Mom said. I obeyed, knowing that this is not the time to question. "You're probably wondering where's Daddy, right?" she said, I looked at her and nodded. "Your Daddy and I had just divorced. Don't worry, you'll be staying with me." she said with a comforting hug.

I pushed her away. I felt hurt and abandoned. "How could he?" I asked softly. "I hate him!" I screamed, then I ran up to my room and start crying again.

I must be having a nightmare, I thought to myself. This isn't happening. I sat in my chair, in the center of my room, I looked around. The place doesn't feel like home anymore. It didn't feel safe anymore. I kept thinking back to the words my Dad said to me, 'Worthless, stupid, pity...' Pity, I hated that word from that moment on. I could feel anger rising in my body, but I didn't want to let it show. I was a nobody. I flung myself onto my bed, crying harder and harder. The pain kept returning, I felt as if I was never loved. I never did have love, I remembered repeating that thought over and over in my head. I never was loved, I'm a nobody.

As if it was just a few seconds after I ran to my room, my Mom came after me. "Staria," she said, I didn't look at her. I was mad at her for trying to kill me when my Dad denies I'm his child. So what? I thought, every mother had to love her child no matter what, I remember saying silently to myself. And she didn't, she didn't and don't love me, I am not loved by anyone. "Staria," my Mom repeated. I still didn't response.

I could hear her footstep, ever so lightly and gentle she approached me, "Staria," she repeated, with one hand holding my chin up so I could face her. "I loved you." she said as if she knew what I was thinking. "I'm not lying." she said, "Your Dad may feel that way about you, but I don't." Tears started streaming down my face again, I couldn't bear it any longer, I felt as if I would explode into tears and never smile again.

"How will I live through this tragic life?" I said silently. "I think I've had about enough, ok? This is just too miserable, I hate my life!" I screamed.

"Hush, Staria. I know," my Mom comforted me, gently stroking my aqua hair. I could feel her reaching for my brush and then ever so carefully brushing my hair. "I know, dear." she said, "It's hard for me too."

Part 3: Child Support

It's been a few months since Mom and Dad divorced. Christmas is just around the corner. I can hardly wait 'til the day I run downstairs to open the presents.

"Staria, I'm home." My mom had just came back from the grocery. I'm on Winter Vacation. It's cold down here in Lake Tahoe. Mom was wearing a big heavy jacket.

Ring! Ring! I ran to pick up the phone. Then I frozed, it was my Dad. "Staria, I need to speak with your mom." He said. I quickly hang up. I didn't care about what he was going to say, but I have a feeling it's not good.

"Who is it?" She asked in her usual calm voice.

"Oh, uh, it's just someone who dailed the wrong number." I lied, I couldn't tell her that it was Dad who called, it scares me. All the Christmas spirits had drained away from my soul.

Ring! Ring! I picked it up again, not wanting my mom to hear my Dad's voice. "Ello?"

"Staria! Let your mom answer the phone, dammit!" He shouted.

"Sorry, you've got the wrong number. Bye!" I quickly hang up again. "Wrong number, again." I called to my Mom, who was busy cooking dinner.

A few hours later, Mom had went to the mall to run some errons, I offered to stay home. Then there was a knock at the door, I didn't want to answer while I'm home alone. I hoped it wasn't my Dad though. But bad luck struck my soul, the door knob started to turn as a key pushed its way in the key hole. There stood my Dad.

I came out from where I was hiding, pretending to think that my Mom came back. "Mom?" I gasped.

"Where's your Mom?" He asked.

"Um...she's not here." I said.

"Well, then. How are you, Staria? Good, I hope." He said.

"I thought you've only felt pity for me." I said quietly.

"Naw, that was just talking mad." He said.

Then as if a miracle, my Mom came back. "What are you doing here?" she said. "Staria, are you ok?" I nodded.

"I've called a couple of times, you didn't answer! It's always 'you have the wrong number'!" He shouted.

"Staria, was that your Dad who called earlier?" She asked. I nodded feeling guilt build up from inside myself. The burning sensation left me hurt. "Why did you call?" she asked my Dad.

"I need to talk to you about Staria." he said. "Staria, go to your room." he ordered.

If it's about me, why should I leave? I wondered. "Ok." I simply said and walked away toward my room, but when I got upstair, I notice that they're not looking so I simply closed the door to my room and sat on the stairs listening.

"What about Staria?" I heard my Mom said.

"Look, I'm going to get marry soon and I want nothing to do with Staria and you. Also, that future wife of my knows nothing of you two. So, I don't want to pay for child support anymore. Lay a plan on her so we can get on with our lives without a child to keep us behind, ok? Do me a favor." he said.

Why doesn't he think of me for once? Why can't he see that I will try to get revenge on him. Why can't he see that? These thoughts ponder in my head. I kept listening.

"No, think of her! She's our daughter! Don't you at least have some decency?" My Mom protested.

I'll give them what they want. I'll give it to them. I can survive in this world myself! I thought angrily. I slowly went into my room and packed my most possessive materials. I stuffed some in a mini backpack and then put the rest in a Gap bag. I've never felt this angry, I stormed out of my room.

Obvisously, both of them heard me. "Staria, what are you doing?" my Mom asked when she saw the backpack and a Gap bag in my hands. "Where are you going?"

"Let her!" My Dad said, holding back my Mom.

"I know this is what you wanted, so I'm giving to you. Let me be!" I shouted. Then the world turn its back on me, my Mom slapped me.

"Staria! Listen to me! This isn't what I wanted!" My Mom shouted back. I sat on the floor, hugging my knees and cried. "Just go to your room and don't come now until further notice." she said. I didn't move an inch from my position. She pulled me up by my arm and dragged me into my room with my stuff downstair. Then she closed the door.

I sat there crying. Why won't they just let me be. I'm just a pain in the rear ends. The truth hurts. I closed my eyes and let the tears go free.

In a few minutes, I was summoned to go downstair for dinner. Dad was still there. He was helping her with the dinner. He scooped up some rice from the rice cooker and put it in the bowls for us.

I sat in my chair, then my rice came. I took the bowl not even thanking him for it and started to eat. He left the minute I started eating. I then knew why. My stomach started hurting, my head is spinning and the rice, it tasted nasty. "Ahhh!" I started screaming from the pain that eating me up from inside. My Mom came to me then I passed out.

When I woke up, I was in a room. The smell of the room smelled like medicines. I was in the hospital. I also felt something weird on my stomach. My hands moved to my stomach, I felt it. Strings, threads. I gasped, I've gone through a surgery! My Mom wasn't there. No one was there. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall. 7:23. I looked around. There was a window near me. I listened carefully. I could hear birds chirping and someone at the door. The door opened, it was my Mom.

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